it touches just like ghostly yesterday when you said what others denied it was like a stream of freshwater trickling through my clogged heart trenches miracles or not, a part of me knows that it wasn’t your voice talking because i’ve seen your face, it hides no guilt while mine can only laugh through tears i thought this was my place to build a home, but paradise strays further the more you show yourself and the more i rethink the shape of your mind better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all, but did you ever even love those parts of me you saw? or did we both just lose a game that only the screen knew we were playing except i’m the only one who feels it innocence is a virtue, but you were wrong because i know, and i’ve always known how the gold would lose its lustre and how you'd give up before it even started i’m still right about it all, and yet i drive the car forward, crashing on the way but no broken bridge could stop the wheels of a girl who believes in
it touches just like ghostly yesterday when you said what others denied it was like a stream of freshwater trickling through my clogged heart trenches miracles or not, a part of me knows that it wasn’t your voice talking because i’ve seen your face, it hides no guilt while mine can only laugh through tears i thought this was my place to build a home, but paradise strays further the more you show yourself and the more i rethink the shape of your mind better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all, but did you ever even love those parts of me you saw? or did we both just lose a game that only the screen knew we were playing except i’m the only one who feels it innocence is a virtue, but you were wrong because i know, and i’ve always known how the gold would lose its lustre and how you'd give up before it even started i’m still right about it all, and yet i drive the car forward, crashing on the way but no broken bridge could stop the wheels of a girl who believes in
Soft down of music tips like ballet In the moonlight, wraps your dirty hair I hear it but you don’t, darling A heartbeat and a half clicking into place It’s my only wish in the depth of night But you stride in rays of golden sun No connection, dead broken battery Put it beside me so you won’t hate my laugh Learn to like it all, I won’t run this time Dance around the ribbons, stay uncut I only use them to pull my desire up Swirl it all together into a painting of pain I’m a dreamer, born to flourish one So I dare to wear the devil’s dress My ring is another cracked promise So don’t let the princess down, please
Sometimes it’s too much, you know All those words and lack of sustenance I’m living in a monochrome turnabout Of people with worthless ideals My only real saviours are the notes Of my favourite melancholy melody That i put on when the vortex consumes Too much of one’s creative energy That talk is a meaningless white noise You do it to fill a void and make humour But nothing timeless, all of it forgotten By the time our golden sun rises You do not impress nor entertain me Only add to the burdens of my soul And drain time that I could’ve held onto You say you enjoy a thrill, rushing But these moments eventually mean nothing Because you wanted nothing more And I'm tired of dancing in that façade I am done with being pretty for show I’m not here to be replaced by something Made of lies, poise and perfection I’m on a juvenile journey for fulfillment So I don’t claim your reciprocation It’s muted, on a much lower pedestal Than what my world of eternity demands So goodbye, sweet flavours I
Dear Mr. Player, oh Mr. Player Played my childish heart like a fiddle Even though I said your name in prayer I guess your red flag wasn’t a riddle Mr. Player, with lies oh so shiny Fell for them on a stormy day in April Don’t know why you ever called me baby You were the driveby, and I the roadkill Mr. Player, pretending to love me Never did and now you never will You probably loved my dog more, actually Shot me dead and left only the bill Mr. Player, obsessed with winning Cared only about your reputation Take multiple girls, that’s not sinning But they’re all the same, repetition Mr. Player, you’ve lost me now The girl with everything and more I hope one day you learn how to bow But for now, I’ll walk out the door
So many promises lost in the wind Not looking back on everything you did Sh!t, maybe you were just a kid But i’m still in pain, yeah that’s me. She looks like she makes you smile And yeah, i guess it’s been a while But letting go was never my style Baby, you really met a girl like me. For a month, i was filled with your lies A daydream, naive future in my eyes Now all i feel are my broken cries After you left, cursing childish little me. So have you already forgotten it all? Pretending it never happened at all? Are you giving something else your all? Yeah they’re worth your time, but not me. I know you won’t ever think of me again Even after you said you did back then And that’s forever haunting me when I miss all we’ve done, it’s carved in me. Stupid, caring, attached, hurting me Lost, damaged, senseless, smiling me Hopeful, crushed, desperate, crying me I guess you’ll never ever ever want me.
it scrapes so deep inside my caving, heaving chest the morphed feelings that I’ve recounted for the blossoming vision I have of us in my head it’s forever circling and stinging my eyes because you always remind me that it might never happen those words line the gates of my hollow dreams I cross them every time I smile at your voice. and godd*mn, I am back to being f*cking selfish why can’t you share some of that happiness when we’re alone, or when I tell you I want you? is it because I don’t make you feel that way? i’m walking this shaky, thin tightrope and it’s high up a canyon of senselessness and pain right below will you be there to take my hand at the end or will you watch on with a stone cold gaze? as I plummet to my inevitable lost, still laughing crazy, gullible girl falling into the darkness still happy because I got a chance to be with you even though I was being thrown away. a small gust of a mistake threatens to blow me right off of this cliff that I’m crying at because
Once upon a time I was alone, and there was nowhere to call home. Soon you picked me up by my heart, and asked why I was stiff as bone. I replied, “always been like this, sorry, I’m not someone to miss." He wanted to try me out anyways, but hands in the air, no promise. The past taught me to tiptoe around everybody that I know. When would he decide to trip me? Whatever, just go with the flow. But sometimes you lose yourself I guess I wanted this for myself. The whispers of a new future: it’s not easy to heal oneself. But these thoughts aren’t blue; They’re vibrant, filled with you. And the fantasies of the next life: they start with your voice, too. The good ones always tend to run fast, after they’ve had their fun, but I hope you can truly see us, and realize that I could be the one. No matter what, I’ll still be here: letting you and thunder mix in my ear. May the rain pour harder than ever because I know you’ll cure me, my dear.
Lights rave my vision in this undead town And your footsteps sound like drum beats As you mix in with the songs in my head Never have I ever been so helplessly down For someone with a lacking, slow spirit But it’s sort of mystical, slow dancing Leaks into my blood as the music does too No pain, no hurt, no chance is better than it On repeat like a radio static love song I’m still fighting the exquisite taste That comes from you and cuts so deep No satisfaction has felt so wrong A new sort of realm for my heart to explore And then torture into frightening joy Rollercoaster horror ride but still touchable Come on, what are you waiting for? You can't see what I see...
monochrome singularity by zizi-doodles, literature
Literature
monochrome singularity
boom goes the sound in my chest as I run my finger along the ragged lines of this tablecloth that’s been stained with the tears of the familiar. when I read these words on the page I hear your voice in between them maybe because your name was spelt like a peculiar, hollow, insistent, echo. I don’t miss many things but I miss the heartache that comes around when I did not get to hear your laugh for several weeks in a row. I’ve never fallen in love before but chasing this down the rabbit hole was exhilarating, made me breathless like how I’d choke with you beside me. when I lay on my wrinkled bed at night and shut my eyes close until they hurt it’s still your warm essence that I see but I know that it’s actually cold. I say I don’t need anybody and I let the words soak into my mind but how can I unlock my chains if you won’t give up the key? now that I think it all over maybe I would still do it again for you maybe in another unforgiving life I would still grip your hand, even
Someday I would love to venture along that mystical pathway known as “Fairy Tale Route”— which weaves among foothills and forests deep in Germany to trace the lives of the Brothers Grimm from their birthplace in Hanau off to locations where they preserved fairytales like literary butterflies given havens within the pages of books such as Alsfeld …where “Red Riding Hood” first risked the woods for her grandmother or Bad Wildungen …that saw “Snow White” grace their streets with her lordly father who controlled the mines
because we have had such little rain by Tiger--eyes, literature
Literature
because we have had such little rain
and so few nights of knowing hope ran down our rooftops, i settle into sleep on visions of him far away so far away that memories of his smell forget my body and it softens. the rivers flow year round and curtains shift on summer mornings lifted by the fledgling ghosts who walk unplanted orchards and will never call me mother. in these drought years we reach our roots so deep, we forget the way our fingers splay, forget that what sustains us is still ours. forget that, in our famine reach, we don’t just drink but conjure, bring life into our sustenance that cannot be unmade. the years will come when springtime rains swell in the gutters, and he is gone from me and we make peace with our lost pieces, and break our bread with the spirits wandering our homes. there will come a day when i have drunk so many visions that they become my marrow, and i am free.